It's Nothing...Really.

Back in October of 2012 I started a new job, I won't state where, just that it is a great place for opportunity and a great place filled with mostly good and amazing people. My co-workers are always supportive of me, and I am so grateful to have them by my side. In January my insurance kicked in, and by early February I had an odd feeling of doing a self breast exam. I ended up finding a lump. I wasn't so concerned over it at the time, as I was told that it was most likely a cyst or fibroid due to my being so young. (I mean I am only 23!) Bobby wasn't so convinced but didn't push me to see the doctors as he knew how I felt about it. Two months later, again both Bobby and I had the discussion over it after I felt it again and it began to bother me. This time he was adamant about me seeing a doctor. So taking his word, I went around town trying to see if there were any clinics on my insurance that would accept walk-ins or set me up with an appointment. I first ended up at a place called Solis Benora (a chain of  breast clinics out here in arizona) near my boyfriends apartment. The nurse there sent me away stating that unless I was over 40 I could not make an appointment without a referral. (I thought, and still think this is incredibly stupid) She however did direct me to a doctors office across the street to see if I could get in and make an appointment. I ended up calling Planned Parenthood and setting up an appointment. That day I went in and after hours of waiting as well as going through an unexpected pap smear and pelvic exam, I was referred back to Solis Benora by the Nurse at Planned Parenthood. I ended up going to another of the Solis Benora clinics closer to where I lived, the next week. There I was given a mammogram (painful because they squish your boobs between plastic flat things) and of course because I am so young the mammogram wasn't very useful and I was ordered to do an ultrasound. The ultrasound showed the lump, which looked identical to the surrounding tissue. The doctor at the time who was viewing it at first assured me that he 100% didn't think it was cancer, and that I could either get a biopsy done that day to be sure or follow up in three months. I decided I would rather follow up in three months. I ended up going home thinking that there was nothing wrong with me, until I later got a phone call back from that same doctor, stating he had changed his mind and wanted me to come in for the biopsy. He told me he wasn't sure what it was and wanted to make sure it wasn't a different type of cancer. I was upset. This doctor had assured me it was nothing, still was assuring me it was probably nothing, but wasn't sure what it was and wanted to have it tested. So I ended up scheduling for the biopsy. The next week I was back and ready to go, scared of course and crying of the unexpected. The nurse there was so sweet to me, she made the entire experience less stressful. I am grateful to her for that. I ended up going home with pain, and the doctor again telling me that it was probably nothing. I went home feeling relaxed (a bit in pain) and pushed all negative thoughts behind me. A few days later, I started to worry a bit, talking to Bobby about what would happen if it did end up cancerous. The next day I got the call that changed my life. I was going about my regular business at Bobby's apartment. Playing with the puppies and watching my shows, when I got the call. The doctor told me that he was sorry, but the test results came back positive and that I had cancer. He stated that he was going to send his report to the nurse at planned parenthood and from her I would get the referral to see a Breast Surgeon. He was about to hang up, when I stopped him to ask a few questions, I wanted to know what type of cancer it was as he wasn't very readily giving me that information. He told me it was Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, possibly mucinous. After that I blanked out, hung up after he was done and walked into the bedroom and cried. (I think I called my Dad before that, but that day is a bit fuzzy from the shock) That was about the time Bobby walked in for lunch from work. He got worried and immediately asked me what was wrong, when I gave him the news I could see the contemplation on his face, and then the shock as he realized what this meant. He kept asking me if I was sure, and blubbering I said yes. He gave me a huge bear hug and let me cry out on his shoulder, afterward he called in to his work and asked to have the rest of the day off, not wanting to leave me at home alone in this state of mess. His boss was kind and understanding and let him have the rest of the afternoon to stay home and comfort me. We ended up going to the Planned Parenthood so I could get the referral. After some contemplation I decided I wanted to get a second opinion elsewhere. I ended up going to the Mayo clinic a week later where they gave me much more information. Unfortunately, due to the fact my insurance was not covered with them I ended up going to MD Anderson Cancer Center. My first appointment was nerve wracking, I ended up meeting with my surgeon who gave me my surgical options and ordered more tests including a genetic test. That day I ended up having another biopsy done on my lymph nodes and tested positive for one. The next day I was back in and doing an MRI, after which I was to meet with the Chemo oncologist. She wanted to immediately start me on Chemo FAC-T. This includes the deadly combination so many patients like to refer to as "The Red Devil". I wasn't quite sure why I needed this, but after talking to my folks I went along with it. The doctor immediately scheduled me for a Port-a-Cath procedure.That was something that scared me to no end, looking back now I don't know why I was so afraid. They gave me relaxing medication that had me falling asleep within the first fifteen minutes of surgery. The real pain started afterward when the anesthetic wore off. I got a call today from my surgeon telling me the results of my MRI, she thinks there might be something else in my left breast at 11'oclock. I'm not 100% sure about this, because I had just had the lymph node biopsy done the day before and still had the strips on in that exact area when the MRI was done. I asked her what stage I would be classified at, before she told me that I was a stage 2, now she upped it to Stage 3. This has me a bit worried. Stage 3 is closer to stage 4. She asked if I had a Pet-CT done and I told her that no I didn't, and I wondered why she was asking me that since she was the one ordering all of these appointments. My Dad is getting upset that they are being all over the place with everything and not doing this systematically. It's starting to upset me as well, shouldn't I have had all this done and taken care of before I even started chemo? She's also really pushing for the mastectomy, which I understand could really save my life in the long run. But until I find out about the gene test, it's not something I want to do. I could really use the comfort of Bobby right about now. I guess now I just await for my chemo to start tomorrow..