Day 5 chemo

So yesterday was not my best day. Something about the nausea medicine took a real big dump on my emotions. I was very depressed last night and half way into this morning. I think I might've scared a few people.. Either that or its the Chemo. It's one of those side effects that isn't mentioned as often as the hair loss and nausea. Yes they mention depression but more associated with the fact you have cancer and have to cope.. But not so much of "oh hey" on top of being emotionally unstable because you just got bad news you may be more emotionally unstable because of all the medicine were pumping into your system! So yea. I was very upset last night and I could only sleep it off it seems. I guess my Mom talking about the future just really got to me somehow. Usually thinking about that stuff doesn't get me that depressed or upset. I was so upset I hardly wanted to even talk to Bobby about it, which never happens. I usually talk to him about everything and anything. I don't know. I'm feeling better now but that doesn't mean it won't hit me again later. I tried going to work today, seemed to work the first half and then the nausea hit me the last half of the day. That wasn't fun at all. I felt pretty useless which of course made me upset this morning. I ended up passing out after eating some soup when I got home and slept from 11-3. So a four hour nap? I had to eat something just to get the energy to get up. Bobby came over to see me, looking silly in his vest I bought him valentines day. He still refuses to shave. Mom and Dad thinks he's starting to look like a guy from duck dynasty. Lol I laughed because that's exactly what his Mom said! I guess I can say that this hasn't been the best month. My cousin has been in the hospital for the last few days and is in pretty bad condition. We've been praying for him and so far its been working. The reasons are personal, so I didn't want to share it on the blog until we had a better prognosis on how my cousin was doing. It appears that my cousin will make it, so that's really good news! He's got us worried over here in Arizona. Family's important, especially to me. I just hope that its nothing but good news from now on! All the bad news is starting to wear on me, as obviously it did last night even if that was an effect from my medications and the chemo. I really hope I don't get an emotional ride like that again. Last night REALLY sucked. I just hope this exhaustion passes soon too. I don't like feeling this tired. Granted I'd take it any day over the nausea. But the depression has got to go. I'm sure it's got my parents and Bobby worried, especially when I suddenly start crying for no reason at all. But I am CERTAINLY not taking anymore drugs to treat side effects of a side effect! I mean that's just ridiculous. Sigh. Hoping this flies by and is over and done with soon. Sorry for worrying people! Please don't be worried I'm struggling, but that's part of the process of all this. It's just the constant struggle of life. I think I'm going to get to bed now so I can go to work. Goodnight!