Final week before Chemo Treatment #3

Sorry guys, my post's have been less and less lately. As the 2nd treatment came around I was pretty much dead weight the first week. I slept through the first four days, barely staying awake the entire time because the nausea was just that bad. I didn't throw up at all, but I was just sick to my stomach the entire time. I'd feel great after waking up and then 30 minutes later a headache and the nausea would hit me and I'd be back out a few minutes after that. The only thing that helped me this time around was sleeping. I couldn't eat anything really for four days. I was even having trouble drinking water, which was bad because I could feel myself getting dehydrated. It was a serious pain trying to take any of my medications without wanting to just throw up at the thought. (Luckily one was a dissolve and it helped, but unfortunately it also caused a major headache which made the nausea feel worse after an hour) By the time Sunday rolled around I was still pretty sick but I went to work anyways. Going to work helped a bit, but I was nauseated by the end of the day, I had a ton of mints on hand to help distract my mind from thinking about hurling. Luckily Monday's are my "friday's" so I ended up going to an 8-hour training class and then was home by 1. Because of the training I flexed my schedule and got Thursday off, working an extra hour Friday and Saturday to make up for the 2 hours I missed Thursday (Since I only technically got 3 hours off since I work 5 hours a day). By the end of July, I am switching to an afternoon shift starting from 1:30 and ending around 6:30, with Fridays/Saturdays off. This is great because it means I won't have to schedule friday off in October to attend Kacie and Zach's wedding. (I am a bridesmaid and don't want to miss out on it! I still have to order my shoes and dress though!) However I did apply for Full-time (They opened up some new slots) and another job in the agency. I don't know if I will get either slots, but that can effect my schedule/days off depending on where I am placed. In all honesty I don't care about days off or what time I work, mainly because that changes every 6 months and with enough patience I will eventually get a schedule with weekends off. But it really doesn't bother me because regardless of my schedule I can still make time for my friends, unless I am REALLY sick (which lately I have been). I am just lucky to have understanding amazing friends who are going through this with me, it makes me feel like all the heartache I went through as a kid finally came to a stop. There has been a "wee" bit of drama in the last few weeks, but I nipped it in the bud before it could spread like wildfire. The drama was none of my business and I didn't want to put up with it, wouldn't put up with it. I've just come to that point in my life where I don't want to deal with drama, don't mind watching it on TV as long as its INTERESTING drama like the show Revenge, but not if it's stupid drama like Bridezilla's. (I can't stand that show anymore, I get annoyed and pissed every time I watch it) I just don't want it in my life, and I chose to ignore the drama the majority of the time, especially if it doesn't involve me.

As for that first initial week, most of what's been going on has been normal. There was something that was very interesting that has happened this last week.. Wait for it...

Bobby and I got our first house! Yup! A few days ago Bobby surprised me by taking me to our future home,  (granted he told me at first we did not get it, wanted it to be a surprise and of course because I don't like surprises, initially I was not too happy when he told me we got it). Basically what happened was this, Bobby's Mom called, then he looked at me and told me we didn't get the house because the bank wanted 198k for it and we were only willing to pay 193k for it. Okay no big deal, onto the next one right, just mean't more house hunting (I learned early NOT to get my hopes up with any of the houses because the ones I really liked we didn't get and I was majorly bummed out and discouraged.) So after dinner he suggested we go see the house, me being oblivious, I said "Okay, but I don't see the point in going to look at it since we didn't get it, but if you really want to go show me the type of house you're looking for then I guess" So the second we got there, I started nitpicking at it, in my mind thinking well might as well nitpick and convince myself why this is a terrible home and not right for us. Bobby then gets a call from his Mom, and I start to voice my opinions on the house, to which Bobby stares at me and says "Emily, stop, we got the house this place is ours." Of course, it doesn't actually hit me that the house is really ours until about 30 minutes after we leave the place, since the whole time my mindset was "We didn't get the house!" So of course this makes Bobby upset, because I "ruined his surprise" which I told him FROM the beginning that I would if he made it a surprise, not my fault he didn't want to listen to me when I warned him from the start! The whole reason why I didn't want him to surprise me with it is because the second he tells me we didn't get the house, my mindset goes into "this house wasn't right for us anyways and here's all the reasons why" So when he says that then immediately switches it, I have to retract all those bad thought's, and once you've convinced yourself something "isn't right" it's hard to convince yourself back into "it is right". So it took me about an hour to talk to him and explain where I was coming from, afterwards he wasn't so upset anymore once he understood exactly what I mean't when I told him not to surprise me, because I knew how I was going to react and I was just trying to prevent him from getting upset with my initial reaction. Finally with both of us on the same page we started to show our excitement over the house, with a small trip to Home Depot yesterday, we started looking at items to upgrade our house with. We're definitely going to be spending some money on new lights for the front yard, doorknobs for inside the house, and LOTS of flowers/vines/trees for both the front and backyard. I definitely know that I am going to be getting some Gardenia's, I just haven't decided if I am putting them in the front yard or backyard, and I saw a few lovely blue flowers that I intend to plant in the front. (I also wanted Poppy's but Bobby said their poisonous for the dog's and so it's a no go on those even though I was gonna put them in the front yard). Bobby and I are thinking of getting a grape vine to place over the backyard porch, since there's this holed fence type of thing attached to it. We thought the grape vine would look amazing if it grew over it, rather than the vine that's currently on it (Although Bobby kind of want's to keep that vine, so I am willing to do a half/half thing with it, or build another wall on the other side of the porch for the grapes) I do know I am planting a peach tree in the backyard for sure, along with my garden and Bobby's herb garden. We already have a Pomegranate tree, and some other fruit tree that we're not sure if it's a lemon, orange tree or what. We're just not entirely sure where everything will be placed just yet, but in a few week's we will have it planned out :)! I'm very excited to start on my garden though, it's all going to be so pretty! There's also a shed in the backyard which Bobby kind of want's to get rid of, but I suggested we just turn it into a giant dog house for the pups. Granted I don't know how old the shed is, how much space it's taking up. If it's too old/rusted out and taking up too much space then I will agree with him on it needing to go. I do know there are a few plants in the backyard, like the bushes up against one of the windows, that I would like to remove. I don't really see the point in having them and on top of it, they are taking up space where we could put other plants that we actually do want (like Bobby's herb garden for example). Bobby also want's to install astroturf in the backyard rather than real grass because it's a pain to maintain. I agree with him on the real grass being a pain, and the first house that I loved had astroturf in it, and I did think it looked very nice. But that's something that he's going to have to make the decision on because I am fine with whatever in that matter. Overall it's a nice cozy place for a starter home, I do wish it was a little bit bigger, but since Bobby and I don't intend on starting a family in the next 10-15 years a small house is enough for us. I think maybe some astroturf in the front yard would be good too, that dead grass kind of makes it look dreary. Then again Bobby intends on doing something special with the front yard, so the astroturf placement is solely up to where he and his Mom wants to put it. I just can't wait to officially get the key's and start working on making it ours!


Granted I won't be moving in 100% until all my treatment is done and over with, but that was kind of something that is expected since my folks are the ones watching over me the most during all this and Bobby has to work majority of the time, so he won't have the time to look after me 24/7. Mom pretty much told me that I won't be able to move in until probably sometime in January, which I SORT OF agree with, however it's not her decision when I move in and I don't appreciate her telling me when I can and can't move and I made this clear to her. Luckily it was just me misunderstanding her, and she said she didn't mean to make it sound like she was trying to tell me what to do. But I do agree with her about not 100% moving in just yet, especially with all this Chemo treatment, the pups, my immune system, and the fact that I am just out of commission for an entire week and half during treatment. Most likely what will happen is that I will split my time between the two places until I can fully move in. My expectation is to be moved in 100% by October, but I don't know how exactly that will go as planned.

I am just excited to take this next step in our lives toward our future together. I mean it's a huge step! I am a little concerned about our Dog's, as Bobby has Laverne and we share Bubba and then I have Bubbles here at home with me. And then there's the K9-Unit job that I am waiting on a response from, which would add another dog to our family. Bobby told me that I would have to choose between the K9 (Which is a requirement for my JOB, if I get hired) and Bubbles. I didn't think that was right of him to say to me, but at the same time I understand what he means, four dogs is a big responsibility. Not to mention, we haven't been able to get Bubbles and Laverne to get along with each other 100%. They kind of get along when they're at a stand still at the door, but the second we get them outside, Bubbles charges Laverne because of her excitement which makes Laverne scared because Bubbles is much bigger than her and probably more intimidating (even though she is a sweetheart, and admittedly a scaredy cat, I mean come on she whimpers when Bubba snaps at her and hides behind me! She could bite Bubba's head off if she wanted to!) Thus this makes Laverne snap at Bubbles. So I really don't know what to do, I don't want to leave Bubbles at home with my parents for the remainder of her life, she is my dog after all. At the same time I don't want to cause an issue by bringing her with me, so I am conflicted.

I'm also conflicted about what I can and can't bring with me in regards to my own stuff. I guess I just feel like Bobby is only expecting me to move in with a few bags of clothes and that's all, nothing else. Which to me doesn't make sense. I have thing's too, like a dresser (which doesn't match his dresser/night stand and so he doesn't want me bringing it because it "doesn't match") an expensive computer (which we don't know where we're going to put yet, and I am NOT leaving it behind because I spent about 2,000$ on the thing, I will most likely be buying a new desk for it though). I have books that I intend on bringing with me, and a few other things. I don't know, in this situation it kind of makes me feel like he's not really thinking about me fully when he tells me what I can't bring with me because it doesn't "fit him and what he wants". And that, I don't think is right. He asked me to move in with him, and if he want's me there then he has to accept all my "baggage" too right? I don't know, I feel kind of stressed out about that sort of thing. I mean he's asking me to abandon my own stuff that I had every intention of bringing with me when I moved out of my folks place. When it came to the dresser he "kind of" agreed to "maybe" put it in the guest bedroom. How about we just move it to our room and put his dresser in the guest bedroom seeing as how my dresser is bigger than his and has a mirror attached to it! Ugh I don't know, it's not something I want to think about really right now until we actually start moving our stuff. Even though I already am thinking about it. It's not really worth arguing over, but it doesn't make me feel very welcomed either. I do know he want's a piano, and since I have one we might be taking that. (My aunt bought it for me and I don't really see my Mom ever using it, and I know Bobby will because he fiddles with it every time he's over, but again in this situation it's something he wants) I mean he plans on moving his motorcycle down from Illinois, on top of it he wants to leave the garbage bins in the garage. How are we going to fit our cars in the garage on top of the garbage bins AND his motorcycle? I don't know, I don't think we should leave the garbage bins in the garage just because I am afraid it's going to stink the garage up because of the heat cooking it. I just sometimes don't feel like he's thinking realistically about all of this, then again I can't read his mind, and right now I think I'm attempting to and just not getting it. Ughhh, we will just have to see what happens when it comes down to it. I'll have to wait and see what his Mom say's about all this, I know she will be realistic about it all, and her opinion matter's in this situation! (I'm okay with him bringing the motorcycle down, just because I refuse to let him drive it in the city, I don't mind him driving it around the neighborhood or taking it up to the back roads where there's no traffic) But I am with his Mom and my own Mom on Motorcycles, they are widow makers and from listening to my Dad's stories about his motorcycle experiences I am a bit wary on them, granted I've always wanted my own motorcycle so again I am conflicted on the situation! But the Motorcycle is not something I will argue with him about, he's wanted it and so the only person he will have to fight about on it will be his Mom. I am staying out of that argument! I don't know maybe I am making a mountain out of a mole hill on this situation, and just whining about nothing. But then again maybe I'm not. I mean he keeps saying its "our house" but I feel like he's acting as if it's just "his house". Bah maybe I am just over reacting. It's not like it's a big deal anyways, and it's just something I'm going to have to deal with when the time actually comes around to move in. So I guess I will worry about it then. Bobby's just probably too excited about getting the house that his mind is just racing a mile a minute about it.

I am excited about the garden though! I can't wait! Strawberries, watermelons, lettuce, cucumbers, tomatoes, jalapeno peppers, carrots! It's going to be exciting finally being able to have one! And then being able to use all the stuff we grew in our food! It's really exciting to me :) Finally I can have my own kitchen and I can cook nice home made meals for Bobby and I and he won't have to eat out at lunch or breakfast anymore. And I can experiment cooking sugar free baked goods! It won't be a small kitchen either which makes me happy, because the kitchen in his apartment makes me feel cramped, and of course I can't really do anything at home because my Mom just thinks I am making a mess and then she complains about me making too many "sweets". So it'll be nice to get away from that. The Master bedroom bathrooms are nice too, the sinks are separated on opposite sides of each other so both Bobby and I will have our own space. I haven't seen the bath/shower yet but I am hoping that they are separated and not combined, but again I haven't seen the inside of the house. Hopefully I'll actually get to see the inside of it soon! I just can't wait to start working on it and making it Ours!

So yea that's pretty much been the last two weeks. Lot's of exciting things and some not so exciting things. I am really excited about the house though now that I got over my mindset that we didn't get it! Yippee!! I wonder what color we're going to paint the bedroom and bathroom...